Bounding round with youthful joy
Chasing birds, mice and her favourite toy
She has a sparkle in her eyes, her tail wagging
Waiting to pounce, her claws snagging
Purring away, content to just cuddle
She has helped me many times, when I have been in a muddle
Soothing my anxiety with her calming ways
How she likes to play on sunny days
Woken in the morning by her faint meowing
Rising out of bed and opening the curtains to see the sun glowing
So excited that it’s a new day, many adventures await
I lay down her food on her favourite plate
She has many friends around the neighbourhood
Some come to play, others are misunderstood
Her eyes dart round the garden, watching the birds in the sky
She climbs trees to watch from a height
Maisie is her name and mischief is her game
But I wouldn’t have her any other way
We have many stories to tell, much fun we have
I’m so happy you’re my friend, we will be together until the end
As my mind breaks down and the shadows draw in
I see visions of wonder, horror and sin
The creatures full of hate, with darkness in their eyes
I don’t want them to be my final demise
I thought I was getting better and winning the battle
But along comes the familiar sound of the pills bottle rattle
I didn’t think I’d have to go back on meds
And therapy would have been enough to help me instead
As I look into the void as black as night
I see a glimmer of hope not to give up on this fight
It’s off in the distance, oh so very far
But it’s my future shining like a star
I know one day my life will fall in place
And I’m ready to start winning this race
The visions, emotions, insomnia and more
I’m ready to kick them out of the door
Life has been beating me for far too long
But I have progressed and now I feel strong
It’s almost time to go on full attack
I’ll use the skills I’ve learnt to kill my demons with an axe
We stand in defiance, together as one
All creators will rise again with the Sun
You cannot silence a World that is free
We stand with France and send our sympathy
What you did was a cowardly act
You killed innocent people in your atrocious attack
You have not gained anything from what you’ve achieved
You merely left innocent people to grieve
Je Suis Charlie you hear the World say
We have come together on this dark day
Our weapons drawn and ready to create
We will not be silenced by your hate
We should not blame religion for what has been done
Every one of us is different, just put down your guns
There’s already enough violence on our blood spilt land
We must treat each other as equals, united we stand
There are many issues that need to be addressed
This doesn’t mean we should wear bullet proof vests
Things will not change overnight
But we should come together and do what is right
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
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Although I am spending Xmas with family I still feel completely alone, empty and and majorly depressed. I try to smile for my families sake, but I know they can see through it. I haven’t seen barely any friends in weeks, I have isolated myself as I my social anxiety is at an all time high.
I was supposed to go for a Chinese with my Mum and Sister last night. I tried, we went into the restaurant sat down and within 5 mins I felt sick. I suddenly got really hot, but couldn’t take my jumper coz of the marks on my arms. I went to the toilet and splashed water on my face to try to calm down. It didn’t work, so I had to tell them that I had to leave. I walked home in the bitter cold feeling sick, alone and jealous of everyone else in town having fun.
I attempted to leave this cruel world 3 weeks ago, that was my fourth attempt. I keep trying to battle on day by day, but sometimes I just lose and things fall apart. I have been like this for 4 months, never really feeling any better for more than a day. I just want to be happy or at least have a bit of stability. This has been the worst year of my life, I wish I could just put it behind me and move on. The memories keep looping and bringing me back down again. As my battle commences I wish you all a Merry Xmas. I know a lot of you out there are struggling as well and we’re not alone.
I need to repent
Forget about my suicide attempt
I cannot let them win
Stare death in the face with a grin
I’ll walk away with my head held high
I’ve been here before, I shall not lie
Life would be boring if I wasn’t this way
Battle commences, I’m here to stay
I look forward to many more days having fun
Writing, listening, drinking rum
I’m ready for what life has to throw at me
But I’m going to deal with it my way, you’ll see
Many years down the line
I’ll still be here writing and drinking wine
I’ll be telling tales of my forgotten years
People gathered round in floods of tears
I want to be remembered for what I’ve achieved
Not just another name for people to grieve
I want to travel far and wide
Go on adventures and forget why I ever cried
There are so many brilliant people that I want to meet
Let’s put on some music and move our feet
We can dance through this life and leave our troubles behind
Let’s go to the pub and see what girls we can find
I can’t imagine ever settling down
It’s just not me, I’m the King of my world, now give me my crown
I’ll leave a trail of destruction behind me
If you try to stop my I’ll hang you from a tree
The night is young and the drink is flowing
Let’s hit the town and see the Christmas lights glowing
I’m not going to stop until I’ve run out of booze
You’re all welcome to join me if you choose
“each man’s hell is in a different place:
mine is just up and behind
my ruined face.” – Charles Bukowski